


Getting the best of each other

by ember_alda



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, Frenemies, Gen, Humor, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-29
Updated: 2011-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-28 09:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ember_alda/pseuds/ember_alda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kidd and Law just rub each other the wrong way- competing and trying to get the best of one another, and then forming a grudging respect for their skills as pirates and fashionistas.</p><p> </p>
            </blockquote>





	Getting the best of each other

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago, when Law and Kidd were just introduced at the Shabondy fight, so I hadn't known what Law's ship was like and that Bepo is a guy-bear. Just think of it as artistic license XD

 

\----------

**Outrageous Fashions**

\----------

“No. Fucking. Way.”

Despite the fact that he was thoroughly engrossed in the new line of leopard print, leather skinny jeans that Frocks and Jocks unisex fashion clothing store had put out for their spring lineup, it didn’t stop Law from recognizing the growling disbelief no doubt issuing from the thin fish lips of the most recognizable Supernova.

“Well, Mister Kidd, that is one bet you definitely would lose.”

Of course the first thing he does to greet the man is flip him off in the center of the store. Across the room the poor clerk was shaking in his motorcycle boots when Law lazily smiles up at the disgusted, hard gaze of an infamous pirate worth over 300 million belli. The way Kidd was sneering down, eyes flicking to the purple and black print of the pants in his hands, it was as if he’d been personally married to the cow that made them and was out for revenge against such atrocity.

Law looks straight at the five belts that are looped around Kidd’s arm, as heavily spiked as a Spanish armada and looked to weigh a ton with how big the buckles were. One of them had a bit of blue fur trim around the edges, matching the coat Kidd wore perfectly. He didn’t even have to move his lips to sneer, he just kept the irritatingly cool smile on his face as he went over to the counter and dropped the pants in front of the clerk, who’s mohawk was steadily drooping from all the tension in the air between them.

“What was that fucking _look_ for?”

“Look, Mister Kidd? I always look like this jack ass.”

“I see your manners still haven’t improved, _doctor_.”

Law settles back against the counter easily, smile perched on his face as he looks through the brim of his hat. “It doesn’t need improving for jack asses like you.”

That last thing Kidd expected when he came in here looking for a new set of belts was another Supernova. He hadn’t seen any of them for _months_ and on somewhere as vast as the new world it’d be highly unlikely to meet anyone he knew. Of course the first place he’d docked Kidd would run into another Supernova and fucking hell if it wasn’t the most annoying one of them all. At least the Strawhat guy was stupidly amicable enough to get along with. Trafalgar Law was anything but pleasant to talk to, the condescending bastard did nothing but smile politely like he was at some grandma’s picnic while cussing you out.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Law looks down surprisingly at the leather pants draped across his arm. “Why, I’m not sure Mister Kidd. I was so ready to get new doilies for my ship when I set foot in this establishment. What a fucking idiot I must be.”

Here his eyes shot straight to Kidd’s, deadpan tone prickling the red haired captain’s already rocky temper. Kidd shoved the irritating man aside, cutting in line to get to the register so he could leave as fast as possible.

“What the hell are you looking at? Go concentrate on your own damn business.”

The jab in Law's side from that massive elbow rang out not so much from pain, but affront. Who the fuck did this dipshit think he was?

“Who would ever want to look at you and your fish lips? Who outlines fish lips with black lipstick any way?! No wonder you’re worth 315 million belli, that’s the only way you could get away with doing that.”

“Fuck! You’re the one to talk, look at those fucking leather pants. Do you ever plan on sitting down you freak?! Who could stand looking at you it’s like looking at a blind man’s retro closet after he ate some bad mushrooms and vomited up a lava lamp!”

“Who wears shit like _that_? I’m surprised your pants don’t fall off every time you breathe. The spikes on those things must keep chicks ten hundred feet away from your dick, though one look at your face would do it.”

The belts in Kidd’s hands are put to better use than warding off chicks when he whips them across the room straight for Law’s face before they’re swiped aside easily with one stroke of a sheathed sword. The fact that they went crashing through the wall and out into the street from the sheer velocity with which they were thrown bothered neither of them one bit.

“Don’t have any room to talk you baggy eyed panda fucker!”

It was a smart idea on the store clerk’s part to slide into an unconscious faint at that point because Law was unsheathing his sword and Kidd was gearing up to magnetize all the heavy chains and spikes to form one huge ass brass knuckle on his hand and the amount of damage to Frocks and Jocks would be sure to make any store manager faint.

When Bepo and Killer come to find their captains rolling around in polar bear fur and blood red leather with hooks and spikes and arms and legs caught in a tense, one on one man brawl, clothing ripped and raggedly breathing from trying to choke to living daylights outta one another, that’s the start of the most disturbing rumor to come from the new world since Doflamingo’s birthday surprise to Mihawk.

 

\----------

**Crew first, fist fights later.**

\----------

In the end, it had taken ten bites, three gallons of dumped beer and a few slashes later before Bepo and Killer had separated their captains sufficiently enough to tell them that the alarm had been sent to marine headquarters on the near by island that the two captains were distracted with each other and would be easy pickings.

Law and Kidd didn’t give a fuck but they both hadn’t had their log poses set yet, and if their ships were discovered they’d both be screwed. Kidd ends up hauling up both Law and Bepo onto the Antigua because he damn well was having the bear around when the doctor stitched his arm in case there were any infections from those bites.

“Your fucking first mate better not have rabies!”

Kidd holds his arm tightly, the fat drops of blood that gush out from an arm that was bitten by Bepo now staining the floorboards of his ship.

“He’s fucking insane, who the hell bites people when they know martial arts? How fucking unsanitary is that?!”

Instantly there’s an unsheathed sword pressed up to his neck, not that Kidd didn’t have his arm, sheathed in various metal parts, up to block the threat, but suddenly Law’s face is a lot more serious than it ever was during their store-shop brawl. The narrow, I’ll-rip your-fucking-eyes-out look was one hell of a step away from his usual lazy amusement.

“Bepo’s a fucking chick, you asshole!”

Kidd could only stare incredulously at the bear standing dejectedly to the side, head hung in a pitiful fashion with large, wobbly eyes suspiciously filled with tears as he, for the first time, kinda felt bad for badmouthing one of Law’s crew.

“How that fuck was I supposed to know! You make them wear those fuckin’ baggy suits and all…”

Not that he made a stop in logic to realize that female bears didn’t have massive breasts to indicate their sex so the suit point was moot, but Law ignored this gross faux pas in lieu of comforting his first mate.

“Hey Bepo, it’s ok. He can’t even tell the difference between his cock and some farmer’s old hen. You’re still the most kickass bear on the four seas.”

Bepo nods shyly while the few remaining tears are wiped away.

Well, shit. Even if Kidd _fully well knew the difference between his cock and a chicken_ he ain’t never seen the bear cry once, not even when he-she’d been shot in the chest.

“With those baggy unitards how the hell was I supposed to know?!”

Bepo gives him one scary ass growl with dripping fangs and wrinkled snout before disappearing off deck.

“Whatever, you’re one to talk shoving that air hockey mask onto your first mate like his face is deformed.”

Kidd doesn’t give a flying fuck what he said about Bepo now as he shoves Law up against he railing, fist up in the shorty’s collar as he comes in close, eyes a narrow beam as he snarls into the other man’s face.

“Don’t fucking talk ‘bout that mask. He’s fucking claustrophobic so we had to poke those airholes in you dick. Who the hell makes fun of someone’s disease like that.”

Law blinks for one second. Then another. He looks over at Killer who’s head is turned aside slightly, and despite the fact that he couldn’t read the expression on his non existent face, he can tell by the slight shift in his stance he’s feeling a little embarrassed. His eyes move back to Kidd’s serious face, and Law just can’t stop himself.

“Ahahahahahahaha!”

“The hell is so funny asshole?!”

“Ah…ahaha. Ugh. M-m-ister Kidd, oh gawd. Nothing’s funny at all, really. Really! I’m not laughing at him.”

Kidd drops his hold on Law’s sweatshirt, still scowling but fucking puzzled as hell while the other captain tries to hold down his amusement. Tears start gathering at the edges of his eyes as he holds his stomach and half collapses in on himself. Bepo’s head peeks out from around the corner of the ship with all the commotion, Kidd’s doctor at her side with a roll of bandages and antibacterial cream.

“Which only means you’re laughing at _me_.”

“Fuck, you’re such a dense weirdo.”

There’s a small grin as Law looks up at the taller man, the condescending tilt in his smile ever in place, and Kidd can only scowl. He has the feeling he should be the one feeling sheepish but fuck all if he was ever going to do _that_.

 

\----------

**Fucking people over**

\----------

It ends up being a huge cat and fucking mouse game on the Antigua with the marines who are out to destroy their ships. They had to take off with Law still aboard considering how fast those fuckers mobilized.

He can’t believe what started out in a clothing shop ends up with Trafalgar Law and his bear- girl- Bepo on his ship sailing around smirking like this was all one grand vacation and that the Antigua wasn’t about to be pounded from the twenty-four ship, cannon ready division on their tails. Not that Bepo really was smirking, but Law was doing enough for both of them.

After a half day of sneaking and hiding a ship, which was _fucking hard to do_ , it was a _ship_ , Law just sidles up beside him like they’re bff’s or some shit and lays the end of his sword against the railing, casually facing the deck, while Kidd is adamantly facing the sea because they are _not_ bff.

“Ya know, Mister Kidd, this could quite easily be solved if you drop me off at my ship, it’s hidden impeccably on the island and were you to take Bepo and me there you’d be pretty safe too.”

He finally spins around, furious at that very suggestion, fist shooting out to punch the laughing fucker in the face but was easily side swiped and his wrist was now neatly caught in deadlock with Trafalgar’s sword.

“So, let me get this straight. You want me to transport you to your ship.”

Law nods lazily, eyes not giving an inch away in emotion.

“You have it well hidden away. You spent half the day knowing that.”

Another nod.

“You’re saying it’s safe, and we can both stay there undetected.”

Another nod, though this time there’s a bit of a glint in Law’s eyes suspiciously like laughter, or perhaps the reflection of the sun, but knowing him it was definitely fucking laughter.

“AND YOU LET THOSE MARINES CHASE US AROUND LIKE IMPOTENT FUCKS THIS ENTIRE TIME?!”

Slowly, a grin finally grows on Law’s face, knowing he can do whatever the hell he wants now that he has leverage on Kidd’s ship’s safety. He jacks the hilt of his sword into his rival’s crotch with a faint tilt, one hard tap into the balls.

“I dunno, doesn’t feel all that impotent to me Kidd, unless they aren’t swimming right down there?”

“FUCK!”

His fist is inches away from smashing open that viciously smirking face and the Antigua is still trying to shake the stupid marines off his trail for at least one more day when their pose is being set. He fingers the flintock tucked under his coat at his side, the lock being twisted on and off fondly.

“You won’t always have the upper hand, Law. One of these days it’ll be a cold piece of lead lodged in your eye instead of that fucking amused glint.”

Law’s never cared about threats, in fact he kind of enjoys them. He likes getting up in people’s skin, he likes being unpleasant, he likes having the upper hand and he likes squeezing it for all it’s worth, and having one Eustass Kidd unable to talk back until he gets safely back to his own ship, where they’ll be evened out in power, is certainly something worth a cold piece of lead in his eye.

“These threats are nothing new, Mister Kidd. I get at least five hundred cursed at me a day. It doesn’t matter two shits until you _actually_ shove something in my eye.”

The blatant taunt while Trafalgar has his ship by the proverbial balls is more than he can stand.

“I’ll fucking shove something up your ass.”

Law feels the grinding dig of metal studs from Kidd’s bracelet cutting into his stomach like an iron punch. He keeps the easy smile on his face despite the fact that he could feel the bruising force twist his stomach with sharp, aching jabs each time he so much as breathed.

“Stop being such an impotent fuck, Mister Kidd, and maybe we can both enjoy it.”

Both gritting their teeth, one from pain, the other from forced restraint, they face off in a one heated glare before Kidd shoves the other captain away, rudely gesturing to his navigator across the deck, indicating Law should get the hell on with it before they get into a tighter situation than a simple chase around the island.

 

\----------

**Ace Negotiators**

\----------

It’s a fucking monstrosity and Kidd has no clue how a hundred year old grandma with Alzheimer’s and a lacy blindfold could miss this farce of ship, much less a fleet of marines.

“The hell vomited on that?”

Law doesn’t even respond to the taunts, his eye roaming over the Angeldust with satisfaction, vaguely pleased that Kidd is so disgusted with his pride and joy. It looked like something that came out of a paintball war, splashes of neon grafitti and the Heart pirate’s symbol hastily plastered on decorated the hull of the ship, resembling more of a side alley than a pirate’s home. The entire thing was techni-colored madness, aliens and flying snowmen with dribbles of lime green paint running down the side like a grotesque, tripped out version of blood wrapping around the portcullis. At the very front were the skeletal remains of a figurehead, carved bones of a woman with wings in loud, screaming neon pink. Who gave a flying fuck about stealth? They were pirates worth over 100 million belli and he’d be damned if marines were going to stop him from having a neon swirled rainbow ship.

“Bepo! We’re finally here, the rest of the crew seems relieved to see us.”

He waves to the contingent of men peering over the deck of his ship. “Tell Cory to turn the fucking thing on, will yah? We gotta cover this hulk too!”

Kidd has no fucking clue but this “hiding spot” of theirs was in the middle of the fucking inlet in plain sight and Law was stupid (ok not really, he was actually kinda smart, maybe he was just stupid _looking_ ), but he couldn’t be that stupid. His eyes squint to see a man aboard slowly go into the cabin, and suddenly from the figure head he sees…well, a ripple.

It starts rippling across the entire ship and Kidd can’t tell if his eyes are going awol or what but it was like the entire ship was fluctuating and melting like a crayon to close to a candle.

“The fuck is this, Law? Marines are going to see this shit from twenty miles away! Even I know you’re not crazy enough to set them on yourself without a fucking compass for the chase!”

There’s nothing but a smirk on the short man’s lips as he watches Law lean over the rail of the Antigua, smiling at him like nothing was going wrong before he launches himself over the ship. Bepo was braced against the rail before she launched herself off as well, diving deep into the shallow marshy waters they were locked into before he sees a net launch from the Angeldust and catch the two of them, hauling them up to safety.

“Law you giant fucker-!”

“Can’t complain, can you Mister Kidd? You’re finally rid of me on your ship.”

The screaming rage at being abandoned tore out of his mouth a one huge bellow, “THE FUCKIGN DEAL WAS-“

“Try even thinking of insulting my ship again in your head, and fuck yeah I know you were thinking shit about it, and I’ll gut you. The deal’s still on dumbass, you’re already one hundred percent covered, Mister _Kidd_.”

It was then that he’d noticed that the glaring purple blue pink green mess of vomit called Law’s ship was actually gone. Slowly, the neon melted away and there was nothing left of a massive pool of brown and grey and green, smeared across the hull and the figurehead, and with the vines drooping down from the trees surrounding the inlet, it was very well camouflaged. Well, fuck him. Law actually had some fucking sense of decorum.

“Just get your ship behind the Angeldust in the inlet, and the Marines’ll only see us blocking the view, if they even see us, that is.”

“Don’t think I owe you Law, you’re the one who had to have us sail you to your own damned ship!”

He hears the echo of laughter from across the space between the Antigua and the Angeldust.

“We don’t owe anyone anything, I certainly don’t want you fucking tied to me anymore then you do!”

Kidd scowls at that statement, not sure why it rubs him the wrong way. If anything he should be embarrassed by anything _Law_ does. Killer’s already come up next to him, head looking out across to their rival now allied ship.

“Pretty clever. I think it had to do with the solar activated paint Bepo was talking about.”

Now Killer and the she-bear were BFF? When the hell did shit like this happen?!

“When the hell did shit like this-”

Killer interrupts smoothly, hair flicked to the side easily while he talks, and despite the even tones Kidd can hear the faintest hint of disapproval.

“While you and Law were _tussling_ in Frocks and Jocks, me n’ Bepo already found each other goin’ to the same place. Seein’ each other only meant one thing, so we started talking about what we should do after we warned ya two. Bepo’s real smart, she knows her captain well and we worked out a plan.”

He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t fucking believe their first mates were in cahoots with each other. Killer knew that the Antigua was the closer ship docked, he knew he’d have to take Law with up abroad, and Bepo knew that if Law was trapped hand in hand with Kidd in a chase they could both be saved by goin’ over to the Angeldust.

Those conniving sons’ a bitches planned this out from the moment they saw them brawling in the store.

“It’s a fucking conspiracy.”

Killer looked at the disbelieving look on his captain’s face and sighed. He really loved Kidd, he did, but sometimes the man was denser than an iron brick.

“Captain, if we’d left it up to you we’d be sailing off into nowhere with marines at our back and Law n’ his mate in tow.”

Kidd shudders to think at how that could have gone. He looks across to the seemingly sycophantic devotion Bepo was giving her smirking captain, and shakes his head. That dude had no idea what kind of first mate he had. Apparently, Kidd had no idea what kind of first mate he had. Suddenly, he can’t stop laughing.

Across, on the Angeldust, Law’s frowning at the blatant mocking laugh that’s coming from those fish lips. The hell’s there to laugh about, especially when he’d thought he’d had the upper hand?

“Irritating bastard, what’s he thinking?”

Bepo only smiles. “Who knows?”

 

 

**THE END**

 


End file.
